Trust Me, I Know What I'm Doing
At the end of the work day, I came down from my office and sat for awhile with my mom - as I tend to - and we chatted about whatever: movies, plans for Friday night's dinner at my place, all the usuals. Soon, my dad came down and the three of us had a chance to talk about non-work, non-family related stuff. It was kinda nice. As I started relating some of what I've been going through my dad said something that made a lot of sense, something I hadn't really thought of before. He said something like, "there are some problems or issues or circumstances that have a clear, logical solution and it's generally fairly straight-forward and one can figure them out in a logical way. There can be a definitive answer and, in most cases, many people can come to the same conclusions.
"However, for every situation that has a logical solution there is a situation that cannot be solved through logic and reasoning. Sometimes, we are faced with a decision, a circumstance, or state of being that we can't use logic to explain our way through. Deep down in a place we can't pinpoint and in a way we can't articulate we are able to just know what is the best solution for ourselves in that time and place. There isn't always a right or a wrong here. It's highly subjective and individual. It's when our hearts take over because there's just something about it that our minds cannot handle."
It is in these times when we find ourselves in some level of conflict with those around us. When we can't adequately share what's going on inside it can cause tension and strain because not everyone will come to the same, or logical, conclusion. There can be misunderstandings all around. Things can be said that aren't clear and are unintended. It's hard to think or act with our hearts. It's frustrating sometimes. I know it is for me. I'm a logic person. I like to think things through. I like to listen to debate. I like to know reasons for things and examine all sides before choosing. But at the core of who I am, I feel like I'm truly a heart person.
This time in my life is filled with situations that are not logical in their nature. I'm not a very articulate person verbally. I need to take time to put my thoughts together. I'm not sure how much better I am in the written voice, though I feel stronger in it. And that makes it extremely difficult for me to express myself, especially when what I need to express is outside the bounds of logic, and even language. It's not irrational but it is emotional. Sometimes I just know what is best for me even though I can't tell you why.
It's like my most recent major life decision. I could rattle off a number of reasons why I made the decision but they may not satisfy your or my cause-and-effect line of thinking. I've tried to explain it away so it made logical sense. For years I've tried to use logic to affirm the exact opposite of this decision. And it just doesn't work that way because it's coming from a very different place. I know it may drive those around me crazy and cause them to think that I'm crazy or reckless or just plain wrong. And that's ok because sometimes reasons aren't enough. Sometimes, it just has to take a little faith.
